Etiquette books do not apply. Never include registry/gift information in your invite? It's more taboo not to include it for the Women 35+ North Dakota demographic. Save the Dates? What the hell are those? Why wouldn't you just send the invitation earlier?
Fortunately, super-traditional Husk and not-so-traditional-let's-do-it-our-way me have compromised on these two points. We're not including our registry information on the invite, but we are putting it on our website. We're doing Save the Dates and sending out invitations 6 weeks in advance.
But there's one element of invitations upon which we could not agree: Announcements vs. Invitations. In small-town North Dakota, an invitation serves the same purpose as an announcement. It lets people know about the marriage, without necessarily inviting them to join us at the ceremony. When you receive a North Dakota wedding invitation, some German/Scandinavian Lutheran instinct kicks in and tells you whether this is a real invitation or a courtesy invitation.
Wait, you're thinking, you send invitations to people you actually don't want to attend? Why wouldn't you just send announcements?
"Excuse me, what did you say??"
Oh, hive, I've been asking the same thing. And the answer is that that's just not how it's done. "Announcements?" Mr. Husk had exclaimed. "Why would you go through the trouble of sending announcements instead of just including everyone on the invitation list?" People think it's nice to get an invitation, even if they have no intention of attending and know that we have no intention of seeing them on our wedding day. Instead they tack it up on their fridge where it will remain until it's time to put Christmas cards up...LIKE YOU WOULD WITH AN ANNOUNCEMENT! North Dakotans actually put invitations in their church newsletters and even the local newspaper--again, not announcements, but invitation info and the line "All are welcome." Seriously.
After one long night of Mr. Husk typing an Ag Law paper and me typing the 250th invitation name of someone I never in a million years expect to attend, I snapped. We argued for about an hour and finally he sat next to me and explained that no, it doesn't make sense to use invitations as announcements, but yes, that's just what is done in North Dakota, and it's what his sister did last year, and it's not. that. big. a. deal.
He's right, as usual.
It sucks that I'm "inviting" people who would absolutely shock me if they showed up, but the fact is that they won't show up. Trimming our invite list won't trim our "yes" list unless we really start making deep cuts. Do I really want to make a huge deal out of this, when it's not going to be the thing that makes or breaks our wedding? Sigh. Of course not. Mr. Husk to the rescue, as usual.
Our venue holds 300, and by holds I mean is filled to the brim, including outdoor space. We're currently inviting about 450 guests and have counted 285 that could potentially come, and that includes erring on the high side. Yes, that number still makes me nervous. But we didn't account for any guests that can't attend due to prior commitments, or travel issues, or harvest (a very real potential conflict in September in farm country), so I'm thinking 250 is a more realistic number.
Conflict: Invitations vs. Announcements has been resolved, with North Dakota Traditions winning this round. Thoughts, hive? Should I be worried about our prediction that 63%, max, will attend? And does anyone else come from the insane world of invitations-as-announcements?
